“Fetch, Max!” Gob commanded.

It was with this simple statement he had heard so many times before that Max gave up on Gob. He chewed his collar off and ran away. He didn’t want to keep up the “bumbling fool” schtick any longer. Max was tired of instinct forcing his lithe legs towards the tennis ball he dreaded fervently, so he acted furtively in his escape from this “dog-eat-dog world."

After seven long years of acting how a dog “should” act, Max was faced with a peculiar conundrum.

Now what?

He weighed the options he had. He could try out to star on a new Animal Planet show or, if he was feeling ambitious, the beloved Puppy Bowl. As an Australian shepherd, the list of bigger and better things he could go on to do was interminable. The world was his.

The first thing Max decided to do was something he had wanted to for seven long years. He was always on the “outside looking in” while tweeting. No one would know if the one behind a popular Twitter account was a dog. Max had seen the copious amount of followers parody accounts received, so he decided it was time to make one of his.

He searched through pages upon pages of Twitter profiles and he realized one celebrity who was without a parody account. Her name? Audrey Hepburn. My Fair Lady, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, what hadn’t this acclaimed actress done? Apparently she hadn’t done enough to warrant a parody account featuring her name. Max was always a fan of her work and he said, even after her death, she managed to “keep classic cool.” Max was the leader of the Audrey Hepburn’s “Keep Classic Cool” belief club and he believed she was the reason for the resurgence of pin-up girls, gas stations, and milk in glass bottles!

When Max discovered he had no clue what Audrey Hepburn would say, he deactivated the Twitter account. Don’t be angry with Max, be happy he knows how to speak any English at all!

After deleting the account he had long dreamed of, Max decided to move to Tibet and become a spiritual leader so he could “find himself.” He grew a beard and refused to wear shoes, too. Why is this a trend?