I am afraid of something I may have already become and with no escape in sight. I am afraid of being average. Something, but not much. Always in the middle. Never to really excell in anything other than blending in. How could I, boring, plain, average Eve, ever become something great? Someone worth reading about in history books or watching on T.V.?
I take a look at my life and see Eve, not really ugly but definatly not beautiful, kind but in no way a saint, not a bad dancer but never as good as her friends, A "C" is a rare letter on her grade report but the "A" is not all that common either. Eve may grow up to be a history teacher! But what if she doesn't excell at that either? What if all her students don't mind her but would really rather that funny teacher down the hall? Eve will marry someone who is great! But will that great man that she dreams of marrying even see her in a crowd? Eve can write! But who wants to read some silly average thing she has written when there are so many other things to read? So many better things to read.
I don't want to be EVE! But I am. I am Average Eve. A few average tears drop onto my normal pillow on my average sized bed in my average teenager room.
Through my tears I feel a ray of hope. My conscience smiles sympathetically. "There there. Don't cry.", Vibrates through my body.
"And why shouldn't I cry?", I think bitterly.
"Ssssshhhh. Look at Eve again. Eve never thought she would pass chemistry, But she did. Was that not great to her? Eve never thought she could write a book, but look! She wrote a book in her English class! 50,000 words. Was that not great to her? Eve never thought she could forgive an old enemy and yet she did. Was that not great?"
I stop crying and I remember how it felt as I accomplished each of these seemingly small goals.
"Perhaps", My conscience purrs, "You need only to become great in your own eyes. If you can believe that you are something great and worth looking at, well then, you truly are."
I don't quite understand, but I lift my head just a bit higher after that and I my fear seems just a bit smaller.