“Oh no, I am lost, yup, definitely lost. It is all that squirrel’s fault. He teased me. I had to chase him. The others would have made fun of me. Sophia that lives next door is a pretty girl. Her master tells her that every day. I am a silly boy. That is my last name I think. My first name is Bob. My boy calls me Bob and Silly Boy. Sophia is a Poodle. No one is sure what I am. But I know what I am…. I am lost.”


“I was sitting under the tree, smelling spring, when that squirrel dropped a nut on my head. I know he did it on purpose because he laughed. When squirrels laugh it is a squeaky sound. I had to chase him. I started barking at him, telling him to come down and say he is sorry. I even crunched his nut to tell him I was serious. He ran to the edge of the branch and jumped to the ground right outside my yard. I ran right up to the fence and told him to get back in here and fight like a dog. He shook his tail at me and scampered away. Scampered. Can you believe it? I don’t think I would have jumped the fence if Brutus wasn’t there. He is a bad dog. That is his second name. He barks a lot. He is a Doberman and thinks that makes him better. He made fun of me. He said I was scared to go get the squirrel. So I did it. I jumped the fence. And then I ran. I ran after that squirrel. From one tree to the next. And ya know what. I think that squirrel tricked me. I think he started to have other squirrels help get me lost. So now I am lost. It smells different here. I do not smell my house or my boy. And I have a good nose. I live next to a house that smells like flowers [that is Sophia’s house] and a house that smells like burnt hamburgers. Brutus’ house always smells like the old grill in his yard. He is so lucky. I wish he was nice.”


“You are very nice. I did not think you would be since you are a cat but I think you are nice. I am sorry that I chased you since you are not the squirrel that I wanted but I get excited. And I do believe you are right. Squirrels are stupid. I bet they don’t speak dog. So can you get me home? I know I have seen you near my yard, big fluffy cat. I know it is you because of the big pink bow on your collar. OOOH and sparkly things. Your girl must love you to give you an extra special collar like that. I bet she named you something pretty like Petunia or Lady. Those are pretty names for a pretty girl. So what is your name? Can you get me home? Can you? Can you?”


“Yes. On one condition. You chew this stupid collar off of me. And my name, my name is Mr. Whiskers.” said the cat.