I interviewed my imaginary friend, Fred. I've known him a long time but it turnsout there was a great deal I didn't know about him.

Would you please stateyour full name?

My name is Fredred Alluitious Monotlouson. People call meFred.

Is it true that you're an imaginary friend?

We prefer theterm "intangible companion," but yes, you could call methat.

What you do for a living?

I make people happy. I make themlaugh when they're sad. I do everything any friend would do, but I can only befriends with one person at a time.

Whose intangible companion are younow?

I have been yours for the past six years. We met when you were inseventh grade.

How do you pick your friends?

Well, it's usuallysomeone who doesn't have a lot of friends, and it has to be a very open-mindedperson. That's why usually only very young children have imaginaryfriends.

How old are you, and how tall?

I am 196,437,825 centuriesold, and am approximately two and 3/8 inches tall.

Where do youlive?

At the moment, I live in a brown leather purse. I've lived in pursesas long as I can remember.

Isn't it crowded in there?

Sometimes itcan be a little too cozy. I prefer larger purses, they have room for my hot tuband tennis court.

What do you like to do?

I enjoy dust-bunnyhunting, lint farming, and white-water rafting in the washing machine. I alsolike spelunking in the walls.

What is your greatest fear?

I'd haveto say it's you losing your purse. Last time that happened, it took me nearly sixweeks to find you again. But it's okay. You didn't do it onpurpose.

Thanks. Now, what is your favorite food?

I really likefish-sticks. I'm also very fond of broccoli and cheese. Mmmmm.

Soundsgood. Do you have any enemies?

Not really. The closest thing I have isthe monster under the bed. We have very different professional goals, his beingto scare you and mine being to have fun and be your friend. But, I really can'tcall us enemies. We play poker every week with the gremlins.

Okay. Now,for the last question. What is your heart's fondest wish?

To be taller.Nothing too drastic, but I'd like to be at least a foot tall. Then I would beable to do more fun things.

Fred Monotlouson continues to live hispeaceful life. I will be sad when he chooses to move on, but I will always havemy memories of him. When that time comes, I know he will make some other lonelysoul very happy.