BALTHAZAR: I'm outta here 'cause I don't want to bother you.

ROMEO: You're a good friend. Have a nice life.

BALTHAZAR (aside): I better wait around out here. He looks kinda psycho, I'm not sure what he's gonna do.

ROMEO: I gotta open this tomb, but it's covered in dirt. (opens tomb and enters)

PARIS: There's that jerk Montague who killed my cousin. He's probably here to mess up the tomb. Stop, or I'll bust ya' head1 if you don't get outta here. Wasn't killin' her enough?

ROMEO: Chill out2. I'm here to see Juliet and that's it. Now, scram.

PARIS: You think I'm gonna buy that3 you fool?

ROMEO: You steppin' up4? (they fight)

PAGE: Rumble! I'll get help.

PARIS: Ahhh! You beat me down. Please, if you have any heart, lay me to die with Juliet.

ROMEO: I will, 'cause you loved Juliet. What a problem, I'll never forgive myself for killin' an innocent guy. Oh no, a lantern! (lays Paris in the tomb) Juliet, you look so pale just layin' there, but you are so beautiful. Your cheeks are still red ... I guess you ain't been gone long. Tybalt, I'm sorry I killed you, cousin, but it was for my girl. I cannot live without you, Juliet. I must drink this stuff now so I can be with you forever. Here's to you! (Romeo drinks poison) Ahhh!, I feel baked5. But before I go, I must rap6 to you one last time. Good-bye.

(enter Friar Lawrence with lantern)

FRIAR LAWRENCE: I've been in too many tombs tonight. Who's there?

BALTHAZAR: It's me, Friar; whazup?

FRIAR LAWRENCE: I hope there's only good news. Tell me, whose light is that comin' outta there?

BALTHAZAR: It's my best friend, and someone you are close to.

FRIAR LAWRENCE: Who is it?

BALTHAZAR: Romeo.

FRIAR LAWRENCE: How long's he been in there?

BALTHAZAR: 'Bout a half an hour.

FRIAR LAWRENCE: You gotta go in there with me!

BALTHAZAR: You gotta be kiddin' me8!

FRIAR LAWRENCE: Fine then, stay here. I'll find out what's up, and I don't think it's good.

BALTHAZAR: Before you go, I must tell you that I dreamt Romeo killed someone, when I fell asleep under this tree.

FRIAR LAWRENCE: Romeo! What's goin' on here? There's blood all over the stairs and on these swords. (enters the tomb) Holy moley9! Romeo is dead! And Paris too! This night totally bites10! But ... Juliet, you are awake.

JULIET: Friar, where's Romeo? I remember where I'm supposed to be and I'm here. Where's Romeo?

FRIAR LAWRENCE: Not now, Juliet, someone's comin'. Our plan went down the tubes11. Your husband is there, dead, and Paris is too. We gotta get outta here quick, the watch is comin'.

JULIET: I can't go, I gotta stay with Romeo. What's this ... a cup. It smells nasty; it must be poison. I must quickly try to suck it out of his mouth.

CHIEF WATCHMAN: (within) Show the way kid!

JULIET: Oh rats, someone's comin'! Then it has come to this. I don't want to live! (draws Romeo's dagger) (stabs herself)

Footnotes:

1: bust ya' head - to hit someone

2: chill out - calm down

3: gonna buy that - believe you

4: steppin' up - challenging someone

5: baked - not normal

6: rap - to kiss

7: whazup - what's going on

8: gotta be kiddin' me - have to be fooling/joking with me

9: holy moley - an expression, great excitement

10: bites - really bad

11: down the tubes - didn't work