Dear Diary,

Day 38 of Daddy’s Plan to Take Over the World, #4

So, yeah. Daddy is still trying to take over the world. I mean, he’s on his fourth round and he’s lost every time. You’d think he’d learn. Jeeze. And people call me stupid. I mean, it’s like, he makes a death ray, pissed off some kid and kills his family or something and then the kid gets this whole motley crew together and beats Daddy up. He brings it on himself, you know. If he’d just skip that step maybe he’d be ruling the world by now.

He promised me Hawaii, you know.

Oh, yeah, speaking of heroes, I got to meet the newest one yesterday. He’s sooooo hot. Like, totally. The last one was cute, but he was too old for me. This one’s just a year older. I could totally win him over. Daddy was even talking about maybe sending me to invade the hero’s rebel base. That would be so totally awesome, don’t you think? I so wish I had gotten his name while he was here, but that weird blond Princess Whatserface was hanging on his arm and fainting all over the place. Puh-leeze. I could have kidnapped her, she’s so useless. And she’s not that pretty. Mom is prettier and she’s trying to style her hair in the freaky way where it sticks up like a bunch of spikes again. So not cool.

Oh, yeah. They blew up our house again. That’s, like, my least favorite part of Daddy being a supervillain. We have to move, like, all the time. It’s super frustrating.

Oh! Remember the other day when I was complaining about Daddy’s ugly little Hench-people? One of them totally tried to hit on me today! I told Daddy and he let me throw the creep in the alligator pond. The other Hench-people started talking bets on which alligator would eat him. I can’t remember who won the bet, but it was, like, $500 dollars.

Mr. Snuggies was the one who ate the creep, BTW. I’m not really surprised. Mr. Snuggies is, like, twenty feet long. I think Daddy is experimenting on them again. Mr. Snuggies doesn’t like the Hench-people very much, but he likes me because I feed him table scraps. It’s so cute when he rolls over. I just can’t resist, even though Daddy says that if I keep doing it he’ll never stop begging. I think he just doesn’t like that Mr. Snuggies likes me best.

Oh. Daddy’s starting to monologue again. I think the hero-guy is back! I wanna go see! Daddy hasn’t started doing the maniacal laughter thing yet, so I still have time. I’ll write again soon!

Sincerely,

Lucia, Princess of Darkness