Haunted Hotel | Teen Ink

Haunted Hotel

June 1, 2009
By Anonymous

Up on the top of a steep jagged cliff there is a hotel, the hotel is a deserted place no one has been there for years. I herd a rumor that it is haunted, and I am going to go check it out.

I was walking up to the hotel lighting was flaring every where. By now I was so scared I wanted to turn around and leave, but I new I had stay I was getting payed 1,000,000,000 by Ben to stay in it for 3 days. All I had was a flash light, a little food, and a knife. I was walking into the hotel, I saw cobwebs every where hanging off the selling, I steeped in, there was a chair, and I was exhausted from the long walk up, to it so I went over to it and I sat in it, the chair out of no where it fell over and shattered in to 100 pieces.

I went over the elevator and pressed the button to go up to the 3rd floor I steeped in to it we were going when we reached floor 2 and all if a sudden the cable on the elevator snapped and me and the elevator went plummeting to the basement floor. We hit the floor I felt like my limbs were yanked out of me then I blacked out. When I woke up, I glanced out the window, and then I realized that it was about noon the next day. I shot up I walked all around the basement and now that the elevator crashed there was no way up.

Then I saw it the only way up was a air vent I was walking up to the vent thinking that I would fit looking for a easier way out of that place. (magic 3) When I reached there saw that it was big enough for me to fit , I yanked off the cover and slid in to it I threw the flash light in front of me so I could see. I was scurrying in to it it then I herd some one or some thing Yell “get out of my hotel!”i didn't even want to see what it is all I new was if I stayed around there long enough it wouldn't be good so I scurried through the air vent as fast as I could not wanting to look back. I finally reached the last part of the vent and now I had to climb straight up to the first floor I started to climb I was about to the top and out of no where I felt some one grab my foot I looked back at his your-going-to-die smirk I kicked as hard as I could and he went shooting down to the basement.

I reached the top and got out I glanced out the window and saw that it was night of day two. I walked over to my bag and fell asleep using my bag as a pillow I was so scared that I couldn't sleep so scared that I wanted to leave so scared of the person that I saw.

Now it was day three I decided to go look around, all I had to do was stay in there tell sun down. I decided to go look around in the book shelf for a book that looked go to make time go quicker. I grasped the book pulled it out of the shelf , the floor shook and the ground slid out from under neath me and I fell in a hole and I was never seen again.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Dec. 1 2011 at 10:14 am
xo19brandee93xo SILVER, Griswold, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?"

You should work on grammar. Story was good but if you had written it in 3rd person then the story would be much better and could be more detailed. 

on Jul. 22 2011 at 3:14 pm
Blue4indigo PLATINUM, Sturbridge, Connecticut
24 articles 0 photos 382 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be sorry for something that I did than for something I didn't do.
-Red Scott

Please check over your grammar and spelling (try using more commas, too). It distracts from the story. It seemed that the story was quite rushed. Also, when you mentioned that Ben was paying a million dollars to go into the hotel... a bit unrealistic, also, a short description of Ben and who he is would have been nice.

However, the plot was interesting, and all the occuring events were unique. With a bit more work, this short story could be simply amazing. Keep writing!

on Feb. 18 2011 at 11:18 am
Msheikh92LB BRONZE, Gujranwala, Other
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Good if this is your first time . Grammer is abit glitchy in some places . And the ending should be a little more dramatic . Good story anyways.

kellyd said...
on Oct. 6 2009 at 6:49 pm
This story is cute and creative. I think the whole idea was very interesting and i like the mysterious ending. Most sentences had improper punctuation but overall it was excellent! I loved how you said, "And looked back at his your-going-to-die-face." I also loved how you introduced the place starting with, "Up on the top of a steep jagged cliff there is a hotel, the hotel is a deserted place no one has been there for years.I heard a rumor that it is haunted, and I am going to check it out." That make me think how is this going to end? With a little proofreading and a few changes, this could be a fantastic spooky story! Nice job!

JohnsonE said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 3:17 pm
The story had a relatively unique idea except there were a few flaws in it. For example at one point it said that "I stepped onto it we were going when we reached floor 2" the word two should have been spelled out also there was a few spelling errors such as when u said "I herd a rumor that it is haunted" the word heard was mispelled other then that the story was not bad at all

Jud193 said...
on Sep. 23 2009 at 8:23 pm
It was vary good. I love haunted stories like thies. Keep it up.