“Let it go”



Through out lives it is in our human nature to make mistakes. It is part of our development to make dumb and irrational decisions that later one we use to evolve into a mature creature that won’t make the same mistakes. But sometimes that process of mistake and evolution is interrupted, the flow is constricted and one gets caught up with mistakes that turn into guilt.

These mistakes might be irrelevant after some time, but our mind the powerful and deceitful organism that it is, does not let us forget about our mistakes. It creates a bag full of dark and heavy weights called guilt that we have to drag wherever we go, and its heavy weight pulls our self esteem and happiness to underground levels. This bag follows us to the end of the world because the mind won’t let go, it won’t let go of mistakes that are supposed to help us mature, grow wiser and help others. In my personal experience, I have gone through this situation a few times, and one thing that stands out from these sorts of experiences is the deep and intense depression and feelings of guilt that come with them. The level of self acceptance drops down to life time lows, and one cannot get over the fact that one made a terrible decision, and it is hard to forgive one self, because the mind is so powerful that it just won’t let go, instead it chooses to torment us in a way that one never forgets. As we go through this self imposed punishment, because it is self imposed, it is our own minds that make us go through so much pain; we search for a place to find shelter in, because it is almost impossible to go through it by ourselves. My mother plays the biggest role, in what I like to call my “coming up” process. The “coming up “process refers to the process of me coming out of the deep and dark hole of depression. My mom provides a shelter that is undeniable, indestructible and it is always there for me to use. My mom has a very special and effective way to make me know deep in my heart that she is there for me, that she cares about her son and she takes me for who I am, with all my mistakes and guilt’s that I work so hard to let go. The fact that my mom’s love for me gets over the fact that I am someone that has made bad decisions that chase me in my mind, makes me come out of my depressions and reach out for happiness.

Religion also provides a shelter for me, or something to fall back into when I am feeling alone, I like to think that god, also accepts me in full package, my bad and goods, that he has a plan for me, a plan where I grow old, enjoy the beach, have a family, a business, have grandchildren and die old and wrinkled. But at the end what is it that makes us come out the whole? It is ourselves, we at the end make the decision to want to live, we are the ones that scream out of the top of our lungs for life and satisfaction, to want to have a future and to focus on the many many reasons we have to be happy, instead of focusing in the ideas or memories that repress ourselves and make our lives hideous, depressing, and grey.

This is a day to day process and one might have fall backs, or lapses where one seems to fall in to the dark hole again, but all self strength and desire must be drawn out of our souls to keep going because where there is a will there is a way.