It's finally starting to feel like spring, and I'm loving it. The 75 degree weather and bright sunny skies create an atmosphere which makes me want to go outside and frolic or do something silly, but I have no one to do it with! Plus, I just got a facial and now my face is bright red and I don't want to leave this little corner of my house. This computer has (sadly) proved to be my best friend over Spring Break. It's crazy how a red face can keep you indoors on such a beautiful day. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about friends and how to know which ones are true and which ones aren't. I haven't gotten an answer yet, but I do have my theories. Here's a list of the qualities that probably make up your not-so-loyal “best friend”, and what to do in those oh-so-sticky situations:

1. Boy/Girl Crazy- Uh oh, the infamous ditch-your-best-friend-for-your-lover act. This definitely isn't cool, and often times, someone who chooses a guy (or girl) over you doesn't truly value your friendship. Who would trade up their BFF (hello!?!! best-friend-FOREVER) for a lover who will probably make his/her exit within a matter of a few months (or even weeks!). This conflict may seem close to impossible to detect, but if your best friend is obsessed with the opposite sex (or same sex, if that's what he/she fancies), my best advice would be to proceed with caution. I've recently dealt with this sort of situation, and I don't really understand the logic in it. Sure, new “love” is exciting at first, but there are so many complications that come along with it. But once all is said and done, once your friendship appears to be zooming down your kitchen sink, there may be a few things you can do to try and fix this big boo-boo. You could always borrow one of my Dora the Explorer band-aids, but how much good could that do? (El-oh-el... I am so not funny!). But seriously, once you are ditched, if you really care about your friendship, you should try to work something out. All those good times go to waste just because there's someone new (and hot!) in the picture? That's silly... on both of your parts. Try talking to your friend. Things may be different, but you have to move on knowing that this person can't always be trusted. Maybe this friend can be someone to just go out and have some fun with, or perhaps someone to be partners with for your next science project. Life changes, and like my dad says, “Change is the only constant in life.”

2. Always Ditches You- Who likes to be blown off every Friday night? Whether the ditch-er is home studying, going to dinner with his or her parents, or going out for a wild night with his or her friends, it's totally not fun to be the ditch-ee. What to do? I have no clue. All I know is you need to make some new friends and do some ditching of your own... Not to retaliate, but just to give your friend a taste of her own medicine. Instead of making plans with your so-called best friend (who will inevitably end up ditching you for who-knows-what), try making some plans of your own. When she asks what you're doing Friday night, answer with a simple “Oh, I'm going out with Kathy and Susan. Wanna come along?”. Inviting her too will keep things friendly, and even if she does blow you off, you'll still have Susan and Kathy to have fun with. If things get out of control, however, try sitting down with your friend and letting her know that you're really getting sick of having to stay home every weekend because she ditches you for something “more important.” What's more important than friends, right?!?

3. Doesn't Tell You Things- The excuse for this stunt is usually (actually, always) “Well at least I didn't lie to you.” Truth, but that doesn't make things any better, and sometimes, not telling you about things all together could lead to lies and bulls***, but I'll touch upon that in the next sub-category. One may wonder why this one is particularly bad—after first-hand experience, I know how much it sucks to have to find out something about your best friend through a third-hand party. So what if she doesn't tell you every little thing, but when it's something big that she knows she should tell you, that's when we're in trouble.“WHAT?!?!?! Kara lost her virginity to Tom?! F***! Why didn't she tell me?!” 'Nuff said, homegirls. (Oh, and P.S. ... If this happens to you, try to have a civilized conversation, without accusing her of anything, and ask her politely to please try to tell you things in the future because even if the breaking news will make you mad, you'd rather hear it straight from the horse's mouth).

4. Ahh, lying, lying, lying- We all know that lying is a big no-no, but what constitutes a lie? After deep conversation in Ethics class, I have come to the conclusion that hurtful lies are anything except for those little white lies. When you ask her if she likes your shirt and she replies with a forced response of “OH MY GOODNESS, that's so freaking cute!” (even though she feels like she may be needing a toilet bowl soon), things will be okay. But if she lies to you about where she was on Saturday night, who she's been dating, or anything of that sort, your friendship has just crossed the border to complicated-ville. Once being lied to, it's a tricky thing to decide whether or not to bring it up with her. If you do, things may change forever, but if you don't, the lies may always be in the back of your head, haunting your every move. The ball is in your court for this one. Sorry, guys.

Phew. That was a mouthful (but considering I was typing, I guess it was a fingerful? LOL another not funny joke... I suck!). I hope this advice was some sort of help to you, but if not, I hope you at least got some enjoyment out of it (whether laughing at my horrible jokes or making fun of my writing, I'll take both). Farewell!